Nuance

In How We All Lose, Gay talks about the idea of making things better and more nuanced, rather than being right or funny.  I think it’s also true that we tend to think of women and men as competing, as if making things better for women will make things worse for men. But I would agree with Roxane Gay that that is how we all lose. I think the ways men lose out in the patriarchy are often overlooked; as we talk about violence against women, we forget about male victims of sexual harassment/assault and domestic violence. We also forget about women as perpetrators. I think it is easy to forget these things, because we view the patriarchy as oppressing women, rather than oppressing femininity. I think we all lose in forgetting the nuance, as Gay talks about, because part of this nuance is recognizing the difference between women, and that which is feminine. Of course, because of the way gender is constructed in our society, women bear most of the consequences of the patriarchy. But I think looking at the patriarchy as oppressive of the feminine, and then understanding what we view as feminine, explains why men suffer, too, and why we all lose under the patriarchy. I think we see being a victim of a sexual crime as feminine, so when male victims admit they are hurting, their pain is dismissed in all sorts of ways. I think ignoring nuance is also present in Some Jokes are Funnier than Others, when Gay talks about Tosh and his reaction to being told that rape jokes are not funny. Gay states, sarcastically, “There’s no better follow-up for a rape joke than a gang rape joke because if rape is funny, gang rape is funnier.” This line of thinking clearly followed by not only Tosh, but other comedians and regular people who just make rape jokes, lacks critical thinking. It takes the idea of humor from shock value to the next leap of humor by offending someone. Then, if you’re offended, it is simply your fault, and the joker takes on no responsibility, and doesn’t have to think about other ways to be funny. It’s the easy way out. Nuance is hard, because it requires critical thinking. But I think nuance is the natural enemy of the patriarchy. The patriarchy thinks in simplistic binaries. Men and women. Gay and straight. Victim and oppressor. Black and white. But what happens when we don’t fit in the neat little boxes? What happens when we use our brains and think a little beyond what’s right in front of us?