Momma Always Knows Best

Growing up, I had my moments of being a whiny, little shit. My mom has always been my best friend, even when she would be trying her best to lay down the law, like a responsible mother. These attempts nearly always ended in her breaking character and us laughing together. We obviously have the kind of relationship that is light-hearted and playful, so in these instances of me being on my worst behavior, she would always say the same thing: “Deidre Nicole, you should be kissing this floor right now. I didn’t have to keep you, you know. Some girls your age are already married with a house full of kids! You’ve got it good,” to which I would roll my eyes, laughing with her, thinking to myself how ridiculous she is. Now, looking back, all I’m thinking is how ridiculous I was. I was bathing in my privilege, whining about something I’m sure was insignificant, blind to the truth in her joke. I’ll give 13-year-old me a pass for being ignorant, but I sometimes still find myself acting just as I did then. I made this realization while reading Gay’s “Peculiar Benefits,” lightbulbs exploding as I think back to the (recent) time I silently cursed the Starbucks worker for getting my order wrong on a particularly rough morning. Today, I’m a well-educated woman, thinking about more complex issues than getting the latest Nike Shox to match with my ‘bestie,' yet I still managed to miss my own moments of entitlement. 

Being able to order a $5 coffee is a privilege, because someone, somewhere is digging through their couch cushions on a hunt for gas money to get to work. Being able to talk back to my mother is a privilege, because there are children in this world that don’t have a mother to talk back to. Our amazing relationship is a privilege because there are folks out there in the world that weren’t brought up in a loving home. Those folks may even think that not having a mother would have been a privilege in relation to the hell they endured. That application of perspective and relation is something that Gay implemented in order to realize and accept her privilege.

Gay sends the message that there is no need to feel shame or plea for forgiveness once we make our own realizations about our privilege and I think that this approach has the potential to change society’s narrative and tone regarding privilege. If we were all to work past our defensive state of mind toward this humble acceptance of our privilege, we may find unity with people we never imagined prior. Without so many divides, we, as a whole, may even be able to find common ground in a drive to do something for those of lesser privilege, to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. I’d kiss the ground to see a day in which there is no truth behind my mom’s worn-out joke.